Regent University School of Udnergraduate Studies

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Afraid

Hi Everyone.


I'm not one to admit defeat, fear or anything of the like. Normally, I am the one that sticks my ground... in my head I'm weeping aloud for rescue and in my words and actions I proclaim that I am strong and can handle anything. Well, I am beyond convincing myself and anyone else in this case.


I mentioned in a previous post (I think) that I have been asked to work with the Youth at my church, due to the Youth Pastor leaving and accepting his call to become the pastor of his own church. I have officially been drafted, and all that I can think of - is that I am uncomfortable. I am afraid. In the back of my mind every name in our Youth group flashes... and the question is asked after each name... Malcolm, can you lead him? Caylin, Can you lead her? Honestly in my heart, the answer is NO! No, I'm not qualified, I'm not able. I am not dynamic, I'm not up on "Post-modernism." Sometimes I am a bad Christian. There are times when I feel weak, and tired... and don't know how much fight I have for my faith. I am so afraid that I will feel one of these times of weakness, at the very moment that one of those precious souls needs me the most. Though I know in His word it says (paraphrased)... "in your weakness, I am made strong."


Despite my tendency not to admit fear, I did. I went for prayer this morning after service. Pastor talked about our Faith being shaken. He asked, do you believe in God, do you believe that He was mighty enough to save you, do you believe that He will meet you in eternity... and finally, do you believe that He will take care of every aspect of your life from the day He set you free to the moment He meets you in heaven?


Gee, my answer... yes, except the last. My answer has always been that if I, in my own knowledge, can control my world and it's affect on me... I'm ok, and my faith in God is not shaken. The moment I can't control the situation, by money, brains, emotions... if it's so outside of my bubble... I start to doubt the very sovereign power of God.


I was prayed for and while she was praying she told me that she saw me running, and behind me were many youth running directly behind me. And I realized something so important... it's not what I say, it's WHO I am in Christ that really matters. As long as I continue to chase Christ- aside from my ever present inherent sin nature, as long as I surrender my all to God - allow Him to reign as Lord in my life... these kids will be fine. I just need to be who God says I am.


I have no pressing questions... no wonderful quips to engage you. I just needed to share my heart.
Here is a photo of a few Metro's youth- please pray for them and me as I live Christ in front of them.
Thanks.
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